Supplemental Timelessness Levitating Steeply

Having looked back at my last few blogs, I have come to notice that they all have one thing in common. They are, on the whole, unexciting and mundane. I was leaving my blogs to the last-minute and didn’t allow myself time to think of an imaginative or quirky topic to write about, so, I was having to try to find something interesting about my week. It was a bit like suddenly finding more homework to do on Sunday night and when you manage to hand in a slapdash attempt, you are already wincing as the teacher takes it. Ok, that last sentence tells a thousand stories. Yes, I was well-behaved at school (despite some minor incidents) and yes, I did do my homework on time. Anyway, I flicked through a book about creative writing when meandering around Waterstones one afternoon and remembered that I was going to use my blog to write creatively.  Several short hours and even shorter drinks later, I decided that it would be an idea worthy of Einstein (or any other genii) to select some random words and try to create a worthy blog about them. Before I jumped completely blindly into the abyss, I grabbed a friend to drag down with me. So, Jo (http://thatjoeden.wordpress.com) and myself are going to give this a go.

My first step was to find a way to select these random words. I decided that a noun, an adjective, a verb and an adverb would allow sufficient room for maneuver, but how was I to select these words? Surely someone out there must have written some kind of computer programme for just this occasion. Indeed, after a quick (0.24 seconds) search on Google, I found myself with a random word generator. Now, it is slightly dubious and I’m not too sure that the person who created it understood what verbs and nouns were, as demonstrated by my word selection.

To ensure that there was no cheating involved, Jo picked words and then swapped. So, I gave her Enraptured Mackintosh Reassembled Cynically. Now I did not cheat in any way to select those words, but they do seem slightly ironic when you consider that she works for an Apple company and we selected these on the night of the release of the already infamous iPad. She is demanding a reshuffle and I guess that by the time you read this, you will know just how lenient I decide to be. (I have indeed swapped Mackintosh for Ministry. How kind I am.)

Before you start thinking that I must have been given a better selection than her, mine was also dogged with a slight controversy. Jo selected Supplemental Timelessness Levitating Steeply. Yes, I agree that mine will be easier to avoid writing about work; we don’t tend to believe in levitation as a diagnostic tool in the veterinary world. However, before I even begin to think about what I could write, I am going to hold a straw poll. Who here thinks that “Timelessness” is a noun? As I hear the lispy echo throwing itself around the room and the wind whistling around the tumbleweed in one of times oldest metaphors, I hope that I am not alone in thinking that timelessness is not particularly accurately described as a noun. Maybe I am a pedant but I like to think of a noun in the simplest sense; a noun is a word used to name a person, animal, place or thing. I do appreciate that a noun can also be used in regards to abstract ideas or concepts, and if I try really hard, I can just about imagine timelessness as a concept.

Unfortunately, I’ve procrastinated long enough and now it is time for the difficult bit – I’ve got to discuss supplemental timelessness levitating steeply. As far as I can see, I have two options here. I could write a nice little story about a witch who went as far as she could to the side of the world and threw her shoe over the edge into space. It floated in the air and never seemed to move. It was both levitating (and getting higher by the second) and timeless as no matter how long she waited, it would not disappear into the ether. But I can’t, for the life of me, come up with anything more convincing than what I have just written. So it looks like I might have to take a deep breathe and have a stab at the more challenging option. Before I begin, please leave your beliefs at the door because everything that follows will probably be wildly inaccurate, but I can promise that it will incorporate “supplemental timelessness levitating steeply”. Here goes…

As a young child, I was not christened and although my Nan was very religious, it was never really incorporated into my life. If she came round for Sunday lunch, we would say grace and at Christmas time I would enthusiastically recreate the nativity scene, placing the donkey and the asses around the set with much gusto. That is about as far as my religious background goes. Although I didn’t go to a Catholic or C of E primary school, there was a slight religious undercurrent. Each year, we would go to one of the local churches for a Christmas Mass, we sang hymns and we would have Reverend Bull come in once a month to host assembly. My lasting memories were 100 kids warbling along to Mrs Hodgekins at the piano playing “He’s got the whole wide world in his hands” and Reverend Bull holding a can of Pedigree Chum (which actually had sweets inside) and finding out who trusted him enough to eat it. I think the moral of the story was that appearances could be deceptive. So, I am probably a typical example of a lot of people my age – I have grown up being taught a little about religion and it was always present (but hiding behind all the curly wurlies, shag bands and my little ponies). I have not had enough involvement with religion to be an atheist. Having said that, I can only recall going into a church once in the last seven years and that was for a friend’s funeral. In a twist of fate, saying goodbye to Alex reunited me with Reverend Bull and this transported me back to my childhood. Listening to him with my moderately adult ears, I couldn’t help but feel cynical about the whole thing. I found listening to the Reverend telling us that Alex had lost his light and had slipped from the path of righteousness a little hard to swallow. Whatever Alex did or didn’t do, he never stopped being one of the kindest, most selfless people I have known. I found it very hard to listen to a virtual stranger telling the congregation about him in this light. I desperately wanted to tell everyone not to listen and to remember the Alex they knew and loved.

So where does “supplemental timelessness levitating steeply” fit into this I hear you cry? Well, religion teaches us that God created the world and unlike science, it cannot foresee an end. Science is constantly developing and educating us about how we are harming the planet and what we can do to stop this. In stark contrast, religion sees no such issue; once God had created the world it was there for us to play with. How does religion explain how the world even stays in the sky? For all they tell us, the earth may as well be levitating (and probably pretty darn steeply too). There is no talk of spinning around the sun or the axis, it just simply hangs there. Or does it float? This could become another half full/half empty debate. Only even less interesting. Anyhow, for the purpose of this debate, it levitates, floating in the sky held by a supernatural force.

Dictionary.com, which I realise is probably of dubious origins, defines supplemental as “added to furnish what is lacking or missing”. This is how I view religion. If we cannot explain something, religion normally has a good story, which seems to add up. It adds a sense of reassurance because people finally have an explanation for something; there is no worry about it being magical or unexplainable. Look at the beginning of the world; before science had an explanation for it, people still wanted to be able to rationalise and understand it. This is where religion seems to come in, it fills a void or furnishes something, which is lacking or missing if you will. If you were expecting me to use supplemental to describe timelessness you may have to think again! Ok, religion seems to fill and explain a never ending void in people’s lives. There will always be something that is unexplainable that needs an answer in order for people to understand it. Even more important than that, when there are great tragedies in the world and indeed smaller scaled, but equally painful, personal tragedies, religion can provide a crutch for so many people. It allows people to believe that those whose lives are cruelly taken from them have gone to a better place and I completely understand that. If religion gives you a greater purpose and explains about the meaning of your life, then that’s great.

I see religion as something that is rigid and unable to change whereas science is constantly welcoming and experimenting with new ideas. They try and get to the bottom of myths as opposed to clinging desperately to them. Worryingly, I found myself agreeing to nearly everything  in this song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UB_htqDCP-s). Although I wouldn’t scribe fancy that on my cock, even if I had one. I highly recommend you listening to this song of one Mr. Minchin. It’s a ten minute masterpiece. Right, rant over. I have nothing more to say about supplemental timelessness levitating steeply and quite frankly, I hope I never see it in that order again.

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